Christmas Dinner

It is the night before Christmas dinner and the turkey, lamb, pig and cow are anxious as to who will be chosen for the main course.

Turkey: Cow, you are quite lucky as no one picks beef or hamburger for the holidays. I don't know why you are upset. Lamb, you also have nothing to worry about until Easter. Then it is you and the pig who has to worry. Turkey is now popular for Christmas and poor Esther was taken this past Thanksgiving.

Cow: They keep on changing the rules about what's for dinner. I heard in the barn the hands talking about juicy cheeseburgers instead of the usual fare. The Missis does not feel like cooking all day long again. So I am worried.

Pig: Everyone loves ham and bacon all year round. They have ham on Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. I lucked out but I don't feel so lucky now.

Lamb: They all want to eat healthier so lamb is getting popular during the holiday season. I am not as fattening and I really taste better than a pork roast or turkey.

Turkey: Well, we all have a chance to get picked and I am going to mention bacon and honey ham a lot.

Lamb: Yes, I think they will like ham but they also want to eat lean this time so I will tell them how tasty dark meat is on a turkey.

Turkey: Hey, dark meat is fattening and I will tell them my white meat is dry. I do think a juicy hamburger is the way to go.

Pig: We have to start working together and suggest other dishes like fish. Yummy fish instead of plain ol' me.

Lamb: Yeah, they will pick a smelly piece of fish over the taste of bacon every day. They haven't had eggs and bacon in a long time and they are due.

Turkey: Lamb, Pig is right. We have to work together as eventually they will pick us all.

Cow: I agree with Turkey even though I can argue red meat is terrible for their colons. We need to get them to change their diets and keep us as pets.

A woman is seen walking toward the animals.

Pig: Uhoh, I see the missis heading this way. She doesn't have the axe on her so we might be spared after all.

The woman looks at all the animals and smiles at them.

Woman: The family has decided to turn vegan this season. We have been told to eat healthy so we might as well start now.

Pig: That is wonderful news! I was so afraid you would pick me. My bacon is so nice and crispy when fried and my ham is very tender with the right amount of salt. I also make the best sausages that wake up the kids every morning. Thank you for sparing me.

Turkey: I also was reading about Cajun frying a turkey. Just rub my skin with some good old fashion spices and put me in a turkey frier and withing two hours I am done. The meat is so juicy including the white meat. I know of people who make a whole turkey for themselves to snack on. Thank you for sparing me.

Lamb: Gyros are so tasty and would make a nice alternative for you this holiday. My meat actually has a good flavor and really doesn't need anything to make me taste good. Thank you for sparing me.

Cow: Come on, people! What is better than an eight ounce juicy pub burger with bacon and cheddar cheese melting on top of it. Add some mushrooms and I taste perfectly. But thank you for sparing me as well.

The woman is licking her chops and starts to look in the air with her eyes closed. She goes back to the house and returns with an axe.

Woman: I think we will become vegans as our New Year's resolution. I am going to have you all for dinner!